Hahahahah Rofl Omg Lol Haha

Status
Not open for further replies.
Heres a joke that I cleaned up a bit I heard it from the simpsons.

A man find a geenie lamp and he rubs it and a geenie comes out. the geenie says I shall grant you 3 wishes but whatever you get your wife gets double. He wishes for 2 cars so his wife get 4 cars. he wishes for 2 house so his wife gets 4 houses. Then he says take away half my stuff with the divorce. So his wife looses all her stuff with the divorce. and he is left with a new car and house.

ohhhh i remember this one :D
EDIT (Feb 13, 2011 at 11:00 AM):
hahaha i love how only the girls like last joke
 
Your mom is so fat that when she went to the beach, the whales started singing: " we are family".
These are insults:
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice.
Calling you stupid, would be an insult to stupid people
Dont you need a license to be that ugly?
 
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"And then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"And then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
 
You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...
 
I've got some. :D

~There was a bus full of people & the bus crashed & everyone died. They all went to Heaven & were granted one wish each. So, the angel asked the first lady what her wish was & she said, " I've been ugly all my life, I wanna be pretty. " & BOOM she was pretty. The next person was a guy, he also wished to be 'pretty' & Ka-Boom he was handsome. ;)

Thats what all the people wished for except the last man. The angel came up to him & asked him what his wish was, & he said, " Make 'em all ugly again. "

~There was this lady who had cancer & the doctors told her she had one month to live. She prayed super hard & asked God to heal her. God said, " Okay, i'll give you 40 more years to live. "

After she got better, she lost a ton of weight, got a nose-job, dyed her hair, got colored eye contacts & got her lips 'done'.

The next day she died. When she got to Heaven she asked God why he had killed her & broken His promise. He said, " I didn't recognize you. "
 
One more. :D

~There was this 'ugly' lady & she went into a pet store. While she was in there she heard someone say, " Hey lady, you sure are ugly. " She looked up & it was a parrot. She told the parrot to shut-up & she left.

A couple of days later she came back into the pet store. Again she heard someone say, " Hey lady, you sure are ugly."

Well the lady was sick of the bird & went to the manager & told him what the bird had been saying. The manager tells the bird that if he says anything like that to his customers he would kill him.

So, the next day the lady comes back in & starts making faces at the bird. When shes getting ready to leave she hears the bird say, " Hey lady,... you know." :cool:

By the way, this was not mean't to offend anyone. It was just a joke & I do hope you understand my humor. :)
 
A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"
__________________________________________________________________________________________

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
"Go get your Mother."

;)
 
tommy"dad, why do bulls hate red?"
dad" bulls dont hate red, chickens do."
tommy"then why do the bulls charge?"
dad"bulls really hate being treated like a chicken
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top