Her'Aken'Sag

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Hector wargull

Hector wargull

Site Founder
Note( made this up by playing outside)
Chapter One
There were an unusually large amount of children picked by the Heronican. The ignorance of some people. The real name of them was Her'Aken'Sag(Pronunciation, Hair, Akin, Sog), which meant in Elven "Great Wandering Warrior." There were 4 girls and 4 boys, one of the largest groups there was. I felt honored to be one. It meant I had potential to be a Her'Aken'Sag or the easier to say Dwarven version Heronican. The Heronican looked nothing special, except for being very tall and the mottled brown and green cloak. Other then that, he looked like just an old mercenary. Chain mail shirt, Long sword, and other weapons and armor pieces. Like every year, all 10 year old children line up and might possibly get selected to become his or her apprentice for a customary 3 months to see if they can keep going for another 10 years of training if they have the natural talents. Normally, several of the apprentices get sent back home. But a few make it and endure the 10 years of brutal training. I know, or know of, each of them. Me, My cousin Rourg, 2 girls who have shown toughness and strength by the fact that they were healthy and they weren't rich, 2 Blonde and fair skinned richer boys who were well-muscled, but more then enough fed, 2 rich girls blonde haired who were thin in every way from stomach to arms. The rich girls looked like they hadn't done anything in their entire life. The Heronican looked angry at us at us, his green eyes glowing. "You have one day to pack up and say goodbye. be back here tomorrow at 6:00. now go home and cry if you have to." Now that i though about it, several of us looked like they were about to cry. one by one, the parents of the other came up and took them home.My father walked up last and took me home. When we reached our home/blacksmith shop( forgot to mention that didn't I?) he said" I'm proud of you my boy. If only your Mother could see this day. Stay here for a moment I have something for yo
 
I don't read a lot of popular teen books. Where did you get the idea from? That's unusual and really good for a start!
 
like i said i made it up by playing outside. Iv'e just made it better by thinking about it.
also this is all made up, but it will have some real world referencesthis is really hard to write so it'll be a slow story
 
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Sires said:
Why are you sorry, that's awesome then.
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thought you wanted elder scrolls in itChapter Two
My father left the house and headed for the forge and I heard multiple clanging noises and him swearing. He came back in nearly twenty minutes later, with a long object wrapped in old cloth. "This was the blade I used when I was fighting in the south." with those words he unwrapped the bundle. It was a straight double-edged 3 and a half long Broadsword, battered and scratched from fighting." If your going to be Heronican, you'll need to have a good blade." Then, he tossed the sword at me. I caught it barely with both hands. It was heavy, but very well-balanced. I grunted and said" Will it be easier when I'm older, or will it always be God-sized?" My father chuckled and said" You always had that dagger-sharp wit. You'll grow into it." Now go up and get to sleep. I'll make your pack up.
The Next Morning
I heard my father's voice cutting across the land of sleep" Time to wake up!" I groaned and shifted in bed. I felt a ringing pain on my skull and opened my eyes to see my father readying to throw a heavy leather bag. I jumped out of bed saying" I'm up, I'm up." As my father went down, I threw on my clothes and hurried down. My eyes drifted towards the old clock on the wall. 5:00! Then i remembered the previous day and ran to table and started gobbling down a breakfast of Hot oatmeal and bread. At 5:30 I was Hugging my father and running to the main plaza with the sword my father gave the previous day. I reached there about 5:50ish and saw the Heronican and my cousin,Rourg, sitting at a table. I dashed up and saw the Heronican nod his head in my direction. Another 3 minutes later saw the un-rich girls coming up. Another 5 minutes saw the rich boys, looking tired, but determined, coming up running with large packs. A full 15 minutes later, the 2 rich girls walked slowly up towards us, looking confident. They quailed at the sight of his angry expression and turned even paler when he spoke" You've delayed us." One of them piped up" Have you ever heard of fashionably late?" The Heronican growled angrily" In my world , it does not exist. Now lets get moving. Or else." We practically had to run to keep up with. As we were running, one of the u-rich girls shoved the pair roughly and snarled at them" pull another one of those and you won't get a tap. It was quite a ways away to get to the Heronican's house, at least 10 miles, half uphill, a quarter threw a freezing river and the last quarter threw shoulder high( for 10 year olds) grass. Finally we reached his cottage and he was breathing lightly saying" Kids these days have no energy." I replied" Old men have even less." He looked at me with a half scowl half smile. "Well, It's time you knew my name. I am Drahing.
Hector wargull said:
thought you wanted elder scrolls in itChapter Two
My father left the house and headed for the forge and I heard multiple clanging noises and him swearing. He came back in nearly twenty minutes later, with a long object wrapped in old cloth. "This was the blade I used when I was fighting in the south." with those words he unwrapped the bundle. It was a straight double-edged 3 and a half long Broadsword, battered and scratched from fighting." If your going to be Heronican, you'll need to have a good blade." Then, he tossed the sword at me. I caught it barely with both hands. It was heavy, but very well-balanced. I grunted and said" Will it be easier when I'm older, or will it always be God-sized?" My father chuckled and said" You always had that dagger-sharp wit. You'll grow into it." Now go up and get to sleep. I'll make your pack up.
The Next Morning
I heard my father's voice cutting across the land of sleep" Time to wake up!" I groaned and shifted in bed. I felt a ringing pain on my skull and opened my eyes to see my father readying to throw a heavy leather bag. I jumped out of bed saying" I'm up, I'm up." As my father went down, I threw on my clothes and hurried down. My eyes drifted towards the old clock on the wall. 5:00! Then i remembered the previous day and ran to table and started gobbling down a breakfast of Hot oatmeal and bread. At 5:30 I was Hugging my father and running to the main plaza with the sword my father gave the previous day. I reached there about 5:50ish and saw the Heronican and my cousin,Rourg, sitting at a table. I dashed up and saw the Heronican nod his head in my direction. Another 3 minutes later saw the un-rich girls coming up. Another 5 minutes saw the rich boys, looking tired, but determined, coming up running with large packs. A full 15 minutes later, the 2 rich girls walked slowly up towards us, looking confident. They quailed at the sight of his angry expression and turned even paler when he spoke" You've delayed us." One of them piped up" Have you ever heard of fashionably late?" The Heronican growled angrily" In my world , it does not exist. Now lets get moving. Or else." We practically had to run to keep up with. As we were running, one of the u-rich girls shoved the pair roughly and snarled at them" pull another one of those and you won't get a tap. It was quite a ways away to get to the Heronican's house, at least 10 miles, half uphill, a quarter threw a freezing river and the last quarter threw shoulder high( for 10 year olds) grass. Finally we reached his cottage and he was breathing lightly saying" Kids these days have no energy." I replied" Old men have even less." He looked at me with a half scowl half smile. "Well, It's time you knew my name. I am Drahing.
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that's the heronican's name at the end, not the main charoctor'sNo commonts, no story. that is the way it goes
 
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gonna try a new chapter later today after lunch maybeoh and i need a name for my main charactor. just post cool ones
 
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Hector wargull said:
gonna try a new chapter later today after lunch maybeoh and i need a name for my main charactor. just post cool ones
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serious i need a name for the main charactorlook aboveMain Character name will be MisnakChapter 3
3 months later
Agh! These last months have been hell! At 4:00 a.m. we would wake up and run ten miles, then numerous other exercises, until 7:00 and have breakfast of toast, ham, and potatoes. plus several mugs of hot coffee which when one of the rich girls( didn't bother to figure out her name) complained about it being bitter and Roarg dumped honey over her head and said" This oughta sweeten it up." then weapon and horsemenship till 1:00 then lunch with bread, cheese, and meat, followed by more mugs of coffee( the usual drink of the Her'Aken'Sag) then reading and writing, till dinner, a thick stew with ingredients that no one could define, but it still tasted fine. Then bed, the best part of the day. Now the three hellish months ended and the 2 rich girls had gotten sent home and one of the rich boys. Now we will be going to some real training as the Heronican said. Could it honestly get more real then this? I knew the life of a Heronican was hard, but this was insane. wish me luck. Oh I haven't told you my name, it's Misnak.
The End

Sorry this took so long, but it was hard to figure outthis has been up for a day and no one has posted about it! seriously
 
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Your writing flow is good, I enjoyed the descriptions of meal time (reminded me a bit of boot camp at Great Lakes) maybe a bit more depth on training - is swordsmanship hard / dangerous? Real weapons or practice? Are Drahing's lectures tough to stay awake through? etc.
Having fun reading this - keep it up! :popcorn:
 
Rick said:
Your writing flow is good, I enjoyed the descriptions of meal time (reminded me a bit of boot camp at Great Lakes) maybe a bit more depth on training - is swordsmanship hard / dangerous? Real weapons or practice? Are Drahing's lectures tough to stay awake through? etc.
Having fun reading this - keep it up! :popcorn:
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dude the that training was just testing and lectures had not been invented yet( i envy my main character in that sense
 
Hector wargull said:
Chapter 3
3 months later
"... then weapon training till I thought my sword arm would fall off...
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Hector wargull said:
and horsemanship until my rump wouldn't stay in the saddle anymore. Then lunch ..."
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I just meant descriptors to add a bit of depth & color to the training, similar to the way you described the rich girl complaining about the bitter coffee.

I'm not sure where I got Drahnig's lectures from - maybe another flashback to Boot Camp... :rumgone:
But maybe something such as: "then reading, writing and listening to Drahnig regale us with stories of the trials and tribulations of the Heronican life we had signed up for..."

Just ideas Hector. My writing at work usually goes through 2 or 3 editing passes where the owner of my company tears it apart and has me re-write sections that I wrote in "Engineerese", so I've developed a pretty thick skin for "suggestions" ;)

I really like where you're going with this though - already a fun read, and seems like it is going to turn into a great adventure!
 
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