Key 4 Funny...

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Calico

Calico

Honorable Pirate
Old Calico has yet another Beta Key he would like to give away...Mr. Calico Jack would like to spread a bit of laughter and good spirits to this awesome community, and so would like to offer this key to those of you who would like to share a good old side splitting, knee slapping, gut busting, hilarious PIRATE JOKE...corny, funny, weird, doesn't matter....just share some JOKES ! ..( be carefull here folks...stick to proper etiquette,,,good form and all)...quotes...jokes...funny...all are welcome...

GOOD LUCK !!!

Calico Jack

anyone can leave a "joke" ..if you are posting for someone else let us know who..and why...and whomever wins this I would like for them to let it be known you did get the key and that it worked...Thanks...

..yes it's for a key...but more..it's to spread a little fun and funny...some folks could use a little now and then...

CONTEST / GIVEAWAY ...IS NOW OVER 1/12/2017 5:39 PM eastern time

THE WINNER IS ...:winner:Stormtimbers Pirate Lord :congrats:
 
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One day Baby Bear was in court for a custody case, deciding whether he was going to stay with Mama Bear or Papa Bear.
The judge asks, "Do you want to live with your mother?"
Baby Bear replied, "No, she beats me!"
The judge then asked, "Well, do you want to live with your father?"
Again, Baby Bear replied, "No, he beats me harder!"
Finally, the judge asked "Then who do you want to live with"
Baby Bear thought for a moment and then said, "I want to live with my Auntie Bear in Chicago. The Chicago Bears don't beat anyone!"
 
Stormtimbers said:
One day Baby Bear was in court for a custody case, deciding whether he was going to stay with Mama Bear or Papa Bear.
The judge asks, "Do you want to live with your mother?"
Baby Bear replied, "No, she beats me!"
The judge then asked, "Well, do you want to live with your father?"
Again, Baby Bear replied, "No, he beats me harder!"
Finally, the judge asked "Then who do you want to live with"
Baby Bear thought for a moment and then said, "I want to live with my Auntie Bear in Chicago. The Chicago Bears don't beat anyone!"
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:lol1: I approve :football:
JFR Jason cheese head.png

Cheese head edit by @John Foulroberts
 
Black Beard, Sparrow and Jolly Rodger are sailing across the ocean when there sloop was sank.. they found refuge on a nearby island that looked to be some sort of farmland. They went to take shelter in a nearby hut when they stumble apon a graveyard... The pirates thinking nothing of it went into the hut and fell asleep... A little later into the night a Risen skeleton woke the pirates and yelled "WHOOOO STEPPED ON MY GRAVE??" All three pirates yelled "Not I". So the ghastly skeleton told the pirates to go pick a fruit from the fields and return with it and they will find the true culprit. Black Beard returns first with a grape, and the skeleton says if you can shove that fruit up your bum without grinnin ill know it wasnt you, if you grin Ill take your soul to davy jones locker.. so Black beard gives it a shot.. he grins and skele took his soul to the locker... Next Sparrow shows up with a kiwi, the skele gives him the same instruction... Sparrow busts out laughing.. so skele took his soul. When Jolly returned the skele was like, to heck with this, and took his soul anyway.

All three pirates meet in the locker. When Sparrow asks Black beard "What made you grin?" Black beard says "I was shoving a grape up my bum what do you think??", then Black Beard asks Sparrow "What made you laugh?"
Sparrow replied...
"I saw Jolly coming with a watermelon."
 
Padaun said:
Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he neverlands.

(It's not a pirate joke, but Captain Hook is Peter Pan's archenemy... close enough?)
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love Peter, love Never Never Land.., Love Old James Hook (don't tell) love thimbles, clapping for faries, mermaids, ...you're on the right track...
 
Padaun said:
Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he neverlands.

(It's not a pirate joke, but Captain Hook is Peter Pan's archenemy... close enough?)
Click to expand...
my recollection to the answer to this was questionably postable...lol...anyone with me here?
 
So a pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look awful!"
"What do you mean by that?" the pirate replies, "I'm doing fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them dropped a deuce in me eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird dung!"
"Well," says the pirate, "It was me first day with the hook."
 
What do you call a pirate with a peg leg on ice?
A protractor.

What do pirates wear in the winter?
Long Johns.

What do pirates sing at their wedding?
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's wife for me!

Whats a pirate's favorite part of a birthday party?
Da-Balloons.
 
What's a pirate favorite part of the Bible? Arrrrrmageddon

What's a pirate's favorite type of government? An Arrristocracy

Why do pirates hate my jokes? Because they arrrren't funny

:)
 
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