Key 4 Funny...

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So it's not a joke but.....
 

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Three pirates shipwrecked on an island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third man, who lived at sea, says: I’m lonely. I wish my crew was back here.
 
One day a pirate ship was sailing and came across a navy vessel.
"One ship on the horizon captain!" said one of the crew mates.
The captain thought for a moment and responded, "Alright, go get my red shirt."
"Why do you need your red shirt?" the crew member asked.
"If the crew doesn't see that I'm bleeding they'll be more confident." And so the captain put on his red shirt.

Another navy ship appeared. "Two ships on the horizon captain!"
The captain said to the crew member, "Go get my red vest too, it will cover even more blood." And so the captain put on the red vest.

Suddenly, the entire British fleet appeared. "Five hundred ships on the horizon, captain!"
And so the captain said to the crew member:
"Go get my brown pants."
 
A captain was sailing his ship when they took sporadic cannonfire. A single shot connected; it ripped the steering wheel off and connected with the captain's waist. A day later, the pirate walked into a clinic to have it removed. "Oh my gosh," cried the surgeon, "you have a wheel in your crotch!"
"I know," remarked the captain, "it's driving me nuts."
 
Not that I could decide the rules or anything but there seems to be a lot of posts that don't tell a joke, tell a non piratey joke, or are a second entry from one person. Could you clarify the contest's rules/guidelines?
 
Rahno955 said:
So a pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look awful!"
"What do you mean by that?" the pirate replies, "I'm doing fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them dropped a deuce in me eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird dung!"
"Well," says the pirate, "It was me first day with the hook."
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OMG too funny!!!
 
BlackGranite said:
What do you call a pirate with a peg leg on ice?
A protractor.

What do pirates wear in the winter?
Long Johns.

What do pirates sing at their wedding?
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's wife for me!

Whats a pirate's favorite part of a birthday party?
Da-Balloons.
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lool this is great!! omg
 
Flight1700 said:
A captain was sailing his ship when they took sporadic cannonfire. A single shot connected; it ripped the steering wheel off and connected with the captain's waist. A day later, the pirate walked into a clinic to have it removed. "Oh my gosh," cried the surgeon, "you have a wheel in your crotch!"
"I know," remarked the captain, "it's driving me nuts."
Click to expand...
I am rolling on the floor...well this is humor!
 
Dreadful said:
Not that I could decide the rules or anything but there seems to be a lot of posts that don't tell a joke, tell a non piratey joke, or are a second entry from one person. Could you clarify the contest's rules/guidelines?
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The Rules?...Be Funny...That's it...no more no less....make some giggles mate...if you told a joke and then thought of another, tell that one too...just trying to spread a little joy here my friend..So.....whacha got?
 
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