MY ESSAY! (I received a very poor grade on it, respond with the grade you feel I deserved.)

What be the grade you'd give me?

  • Total voters
    25
Matthew McRoberts said:
when you were just sitting there waiting what did you do to past the time you where there as and please name 1 sim ilie for me
Click to expand...
I did nothing to pass the time mate :) honestly, you just sit there, keep still, and keep quiet. I'm guessing you've never hunted before? Here, let me pull out my vast list of similes and metaphors: here's a couple- I made it through the first half of my last year as a middle school student, FINALLY! I now know what the term “Slow as Christmas” means. -The time I spent counting down the days to that sacred break was like sand in an hourglass trickling down slowly, one grain at a time. ... now some more: Christmas, what does it mean to me? It means 5 F’s to me: Family, Friends, Fun, Food, and Freedom.
-You should have seen the look on my face when I opened up my new hunting clothes; it was like a ray of sunshine poking out from a cloudy sky. My cherubic grin only grew larger as I opened up my next present, my face lit up like the Christmas tree as I saw the glorious gift inside.
-You see the happiest kid on earth and then me, outshining even the brightest star.
-I was shooting army men, leaves off trees by their stems, and cans, anything that was small and required precision. I quickly grew weary of my success at making the army men “realistic,” and moved on, looking into the treetops, on top telephone wires, anything that might be the perch of a squirrel or bird.
-It was a shot, clear as day.
-The minutes ticked by, the hours slowly passed, it was getting close to dark. The sunset was behind me, and I could tell my time for a safe clean kill opportunity was slowly fading with the setting sun. Then, suddenly, out of my peripheral vision I caught a glimpse of movement. I wanted to whip around and look, but I was too disciplined to succumb to that urge. I heard brush rustling. I slowly turned. Half-expecting a deer to walk out. I was extremely disappointed when I saw that blasted woodpecker that had slowly been chiseling away, not only at the tree, but at my patience not to mention my sanity, as well.
-I was getting stiff, tired, and weary from sitting in that elevated chair in the bitter cold, and a winter wind, which had been buffeting my position all afternoon.
-I knew what I had signed up for, and don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute of it. But sometimes those minutes just seemed to never end. Then again I heard movement. I glanced over towards the direction where the rustle originated from. And to my sweet surprise, a family of deer walked out.
-I slowed my breathing rate. I think I did pretty well, although my heart was beating like a war drum, but at the speed of a jackrabbit. I steadied my aim. Looked down the scope. Squeeze. A thunderous bang erupted from my position; disturbing the serene setting.
-The doe dropped, the littler deer scampered off, and I breathed in a sweet sigh of relief. The crisp evening air was refreshing. Now the hard part, sitting there and making sure it was dead.
-Much to my amazement, my shot did not scare off other deer, even after I dropped the doe; several more ungulates appeared in my field. As the sun was saying his goodbyes, something incredible happened. A COLOSSAL 8-point buck emerged from the woods. My breathing and heart rate skyrocketed. Then my heart sank like a lead balloon as I remembered I had been supplied with only one bullet. So I just sat there, with a strange, melancholy feeling nagging at me, like my mom telling me to clean my room.
-At long last, after what had seemed like an eternity of waiting; my uncle returned.
-Now that slow-creeping grin on my face took full shape. I was beaming. I felt like my proud smile could have replaced the newly risen moon at that moment.
-As we arrived at my grandparents’ house the garage door opened and we were greeted with warm hugs, hellos, and the sweet, savory smell of my grandmother’s cooking. News travels fast. They already knew of my recent accomplishment. A wave of questions and comments hit me. One I particularly remember was from my little brother. “I feel happy for you, but sad for the deer.” We all laughed.
I went to bed that night with the sole thought looming in my head, “BEST CHRISTMAS BREAK EVER!”
those are the vast majority of 'em :) lol
 
I'd like to remind you who post critiques on this thread. This is the meaning of a 'critique' (source: Google), you may find the definition elsewhere.

cri·tique/kriˈtēk/

Noun:

A detailed analysis and assessment of something, esp. a literary, philosophical, or political theory.

Verb:

Evaluate (a theory or practice) in a detailed and analytical way: "the authors critique the methods used in research".

There are constructive criticism and negative criticism. Constructive (positive) criticism is encouraged; meaning giving analysis and suggestion to make the object of criticism better (for the author to revise/do differently for a better result). Negative criticism only looks for the mistakes on the object without any benefit to the author, meaning without any reasoning and solution to make it better. No one likes to accept negative criticism; as it does not contribute to make things better. I suggest whoever offered their negative criticism here to exercise him/herself first; if you cannot give any reasoning as to why you said something negative, you may as well not say anything. Especially since negative criticism can cause argument, and thus drama, that is not desirable in this Forums.

James Halway said:
I would give you a grade IF I KNEW WHAT YOU WROTE! people who gave you a A+ dont even know what you wrote
Click to expand...

Please read this post: https://piratesforums.co/threads/my...pond-with-the-grade-you-feel-i-deserved.5229/
and see if you still cannot see what the author was writing before you posted a comment.

Matthew McRoberts said:
I didn't see any similie and be more descriptive about how the day was outside a little more but overal a b aint a bad grade
Click to expand...

I suggest you look for definitions before you posted a comment. Review below:

sim·i·le/ˈsiməlē/

Noun:
  1. A figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, (e.g., as brave as a lion).
  2. The use of such a method of comparison.
A simile is a metaphor, but not all metaphors are similes.
Metaphor is the broader term. In a literary sense metaphor is a rhetorical device that transfers the sense or aspects of one word to another. For example:

The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas. — “The Highwayman,” Alfred Noyes​

Here the moon is being compared to a sailing ship. The clouds are being compared to ocean waves. This is an apt comparison because sometimes banks of clouds shuttling past the moon cause the moon to appear to be moving and roiling clouds resemble churning water.
A simile is a type of metaphor in which the comparison is made with the use of the word like or its equivalent:

My love is like a red, red rose. — Robert Burns​

(Source: http://www.dailywritingtips.com/what-is-the-difference-between-metaphor-and-simile/)

Quotes from the original essay (bold letterings are similes):
...You see the happiest kid on earth and then me, outshining even the brightest star. I could not wait to try it out...

...I heard brush rustling. I slowly turned. Half-expecting a deer to walk out. I was extremely disappointed when I saw that blasted woodpecker that had slowly been chiseling away, not only at the tree, but at my patience not to mention my sanity, as well.

...I slowed my breathing rate. I think I did pretty well, although my heart was beating like a war drum, but at the speed of a jackrabbit.

...Then my heart sank as I remembered I had been supplied with only one bullet. So I just sat there, with a strange, melancholy feeling nagging at me, like my mom telling me to clean my room.

...Now that slow-creeping grin on my face took full shape. I was beaming. I felt like my proud smile could have replaced the newly risen moon at that moment.
 
JadeOHayes said:
I'd like to remind you who post critiques on this thread. This is the meaning of a 'critique' (source: Google), you may find the definition elsewhere.

cri·tique/kriˈtēk/

Noun:

A detailed analysis and assessment of something, esp. a literary, philosophical, or political theory.

Verb:

Evaluate (a theory or practice) in a detailed and analytical way: "the authors critique the methods used in research".

There are constructive criticism and negative criticism. Constructive (positive) criticism is encouraged; meaning giving analysis and suggestion to make the object of criticism better (for the author to revise/do differently for a better result). Negative criticism only looks for the mistakes on the object without any benefit to the author, meaning without any reasoning and solution to make it better. No one likes to accept negative criticism; as it does not contribute to make things better. I suggest whoever offered their negative criticism here to exercise him/herself first; if you cannot give any reasoning as to why you said something negative, you may as well not say anything. Especially since negative criticism can cause argument, and thus drama, that is not desirable in this Forums.

Please read this post: https://piratesforums.co/threads/my...pond-with-the-grade-you-feel-i-deserved.5229/
and see if you still cannot see what the author was writing before you posted a comment.

I suggest you look for definitions before you posted a comment. Review below:

sim·i·le/ˈsiməlē/

Noun:
  1. A figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, (e.g., as brave as a lion).
  2. The use of such a method of comparison.
A simile is a metaphor, but not all metaphors are similes.

Metaphor is the broader term. In a literary sense metaphor is a rhetorical device that transfers the sense or aspects of one word to another. For example:

The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas. — “The Highwayman,” Alfred Noyes​

Here the moon is being compared to a sailing ship. The clouds are being compared to ocean waves. This is an apt comparison because sometimes banks of clouds shuttling past the moon cause the moon to appear to be moving and roiling clouds resemble churning water.
A simile is a type of metaphor in which the comparison is made with the use of the word like or its equivalent:

My love is like a red, red rose. — Robert Burns​

(Source: http://www.dailywritingtips.com/what-is-the-difference-between-metaphor-and-simile/)

Quotes from the original essay (bold letterings are similes):
...You see the happiest kid on earth and then me, outshining even the brightest star. I could not wait to try it out...

...I heard brush rustling. I slowly turned. Half-expecting a deer to walk out. I was extremely disappointed when I saw that blasted woodpecker that had slowly been chiseling away, not only at the tree, but at my patience not to mention my sanity, as well.

...I slowed my breathing rate. I think I did pretty well, although my heart was beating like a war drum, but at the speed of a jackrabbit.

...Then my heart sank as I remembered I had been supplied with only one bullet. So I just sat there, with a strange, melancholy feeling nagging at me, like my mom telling me to clean my room.

...Now that slow-creeping grin on my face took full shape. I was beaming. I felt like my proud smile could have replaced the newly risen moon at that moment.
Click to expand...
Thanks Jade for clearing that up! I was looking for that good 'ol constructive criticism... not the old joke from middle school though: here's some constructive criticism... you StUCK... anyways, I do not feel I was arguing, but more of explaining and asking for their reasoning, then again, I have some trouble on social cues over the internet... because you can't really speak, understand tone of voice, note any hint of sarcasm unless in context clues leading up to the sarcastic moment. I don't like bad reviews, but I take them as they are, take it in to better myself, but when I get bad reviews and am left hanging as to why I got them I get confused, like what am I supposed to work on to improve, same with positive reviews I don't know why they gave 'em, not inside their mind... that'd be a bit creepy... so if you just grade it or go as far as to say good job or needs improvement, I would like to know what it is that I did well on or what it is that I could use some workin' on. :)
 
Naturally, Kab ... I understand that in this/your case (and a lot of other topics on this Forums), we would like to see healthy discussions. It's ok to agree or disagree, and it's ok to say yes or no, as long as every opinion is supported by reasonings. Otherwise it's going to be a 'jungle' of opinions. And it is also good that you (the original poster of this thread) stated what you expected from others, that you needed others' opinions and why they said them. That way you (the author) could do your own selection on how to improve your product.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top