TEASER:The Final Crusade

What do you think?

  • Not good.Has potential though,

    Votes: 2 66.7%

  • Good.Looks like it will get better.

    Votes: 1 33.3%

  • Not good.Stop it.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Not good.But keep it up.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Meeehhhhh....idk

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Total voters
    3
B

BicMax5050

This is a teaser of new work I'm working on.You catch up pretty quick.Tell me what you think?

*The man walks through the hall.Chants by millions of people can be heard outside.*Templar!Templar!Templar!Templar!*Finally the man reaches the end of the hall,opening up to an outside high balcony above crowds of millions,all cheering at the site of the grand master.*
GrandMaster:"Today marks a glorious day for us Holy Warriors!Today we wipe this once ultimate creation,of the sick perversion that stains these lands!Today,I will lead the Fifth and final crusade,and we will reclaim this land,and restore order to our mighty empire of manifest destiny!"*Crowds cheer as the Man walks back into the hall with his Second In Command-The Right Hand.*
Right Hand:"Sir,you'll be glad to know our forces are already closing in on the Afghanistan Borders for the first retaking of it from the Islamic state."
Grand Master:"So quickly....Makes me honored to lead such a blessed empire.Forever onwards dear Brother.Forever Onwards."...........-To be Continued
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Assassin's Creed, eh? :)

The story concept seems good, but I think you should really try to use better grammar. The asterisks are not necessary for details either. After all, this is a story. All in all, the only complaints I have are the grammar and that it's a bit too short. It does have potential, though!
 
No Not Assassins Creed.The only reason Templars are so known. Ow is because Assassins Creed bases their story off real people and makes Templars look evil.
 
But of course it's just a teaser.About a Militia forming from the Catholic Church after the other countries fall in a war against Jihadis.
 
But near the closing of the story,there are huge plot twist that fall in to place.
 
BicMax5050 said:
But of course it's just a teaser.About a Militia forming from the Catholic Church after the other countries fall in a war against Jihadis.
Click to expand...
So as to not offend any member here whom may uphold a particular faith, I feel it wise to actually come up with different names of either side/religion which you do desire to implement into said (fictional) story.

Obviously, the need for that is to avoid any potential drama said story may unintentionally generate. If drama would to occur, I do feel that it would take a lot of the momentum out for you in your need to write such a story.

Just my...:2 cents:
 
My goal is to make my work realistic and believable.But fine.
 
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