Her'Aken'Sag

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Trying to be patient Hector - but looking forward to more! :fight:

Jason is correct, but IMHO - get it out of your head and onto the screen / paper first ("Verbal Vomit Style" as my mentor calls it) - edit and correct later / as you go. You'll add more to some parts, and throw away others completely as you see fit.
Just different styles for different people.

Copy & paste it into Word, that will help with most spelling / grammatical errors. That said - Word will knot ketch errors like would & wood, or to too two, past / paste etc., so (at least for me) 2nd and 3rd passes, as well as having trusted friends read nearly finished documents really helps.

The best hint my mentor gave me was this - Keep Writing!! ;)
 
exactly always proofread it first before actually publishingor in this case posting but who knows you might wind up being a writer one day.
 
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Rick said:
I just meant descriptors to add a bit of depth & color to the training, similar to the way you described the rich girl complaining about the bitter coffee.

I'm not sure where I got Drahnig's lectures from - maybe another flashback to Boot Camp... :rumgone:
But maybe something such as: "then reading, writing and listening to Drahnig regale us with stories of the trials and tribulations of the Heronican life we had signed up for..."

Just ideas Hector. My writing at work usually goes through 2 or 3 editing passes where the owner of my company tears it apart and has me re-write sections that I wrote in "Engineerese", so I've developed a pretty thick skin for "suggestions" ;)

I really like where you're going with this though - already a fun read, and seems like it is going to turn into a great adventure!
Click to expand...
Oh and by the way, Heronican's use more then just swordsChapter Four
Oh gods, take me back to basic testing! My rump hurts, my arm hurts, my legs hurt, my everything hurts! Weapon training, survival training, war training, reading training, even cooking training! I have also learned about the Mercenaries, a rival group that were founded about 2 hundred years ago. A highly skilled boy, named Arhoth, was banished because of his violence and anger. While they were thinking of a way to test personality before teaching them to fight well( Later that turned out to be the 3 month training) he along with several other banished Heronicans they created the Mercenaries, which somehow, became well organized and often used by the public for services such as killing monsters and bandits. We do that for free, but they pay and get more jobs then us. We are always held in suspicion, while they are much more trusted, but still not entirely trusted( but nobody is these days).
My books said that their training was more then double the intensity of ours. I found that hard to believe. Are training was 12 hours a day, 2 hours altogether for eating, 8 hours for sleeping.
Six years later
Hello again. In these six years it was just train, train, and train. Now finally I am going on a mission. I, and my old mentor were going to defend a fort that was going to be attacked. Finally some action
The End.no more chapters until commentYou are probably laughing at me but here goes.
Chapter 5
The fort we are stationed at is small, but strong. It is on top of a hill with a wide grassy plains surounding it. Small, but good. According to our (The senior Heronicans) calculations, the enemy will attack tonight. WE spend the day preparing for the fight. I am busy sharping my daggers, spear, sword, axe, and dirk (A short sword blade on a dagger hilt). My fathers sword is too large and I left it at the Heronican Armory. Still Heronicans go armed sometimes literally to the teeth. My armor is a ringed leather tunic (iron rings sewn on a leather tunic), wool pants, Hard leather boots, an old iron conical helmet, a warcloak, and a wooden shield with an soft iron rim (for catching enemy swords).
Night
I can make out the enemy creeping towards the gate. I can hear them too. Muffled curses, jingling equipment, and hard boots stomping down on the cobblestones. I pick up my bow (forgot to mention I am an archer as well), string it, and wait for the signal.
The enemy is at the gates, I can hear them talking
" You said you would have that gate open in seconds, Brag."
Another said" The gate is newer then we thought."
An angry voice said" Out of my way! I'll open it myself!"
I felt more then heard him starting to cast magic. I almost snickered. We( I mean me too) had spent the previous day fortifying the gate with magic wards (A magic shield that can block magic) He had no chan-
Crash!
The force of the blast knocked me from the wall. I landed on a pile of straw, thinking" How could he be able to expand enough magical energy, and still be expected to fight?" Enemy fighters poured through the gate. I pulled up my bow which was still strung and fired several shots, and then someone about my height attacked me. I yanked out my sword and shield just in time to parry the foe's slash. I winced in pain at the force of his blow. He had a heavier sword then mine,but mine was slightly longer. We fought with swords, and it was nothing like anything I had been taught. He was fighting with more then his sword, he was punching, kicking, head-butting, elbowing,and kneeing me. He was fighting like he was insane. Then with an extra careful move, I managed to disarm him. As soon as he lost his sword, and shoved me ing the chest and knocked me down. When I got up, he had pulled out a long, black mace!2 new chapters and no new comments?
 
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Cool details, Hector. Good job! And be patient if your readers don't give comment right away ... and don't 'threaten' that you wouldn't continue ... :D, make a joke instead.

And please don't put "the end" at the end of a chapter, we really would like for you to write more, and for the story to continue. It sounds like it gets cut off before it's over when you put "the end" in there. ;)
 
JadeOHayes said:
Cool details, Hector. Good job! And be patient if your readers don't give comment right away ... and don't 'threaten' that you wouldn't continue ... :D, make a joke instead.

And please don't put "the end" at the end of a chapter, we really would like for you to write more, and for the story to continue. It sounds like it gets cut off before it's over when you put "the end" in there. ;)
Click to expand...
sorry mate.
I mean end of chapterChapter 6
Aw crap! A sword was useless against one! So I pulled out my war-axe. Then again we were evenly matched. However, I soon found out that he was much stronger then I was. Then I suddenly felt him using a mental attack against me. It was weaker then most of my mentors, but he was playing for keeps. Again we were about evenly matched in mental fight. However, He had a large advantage in weight and power, and he was taller, and had longer arms. I was calm though, however he was obviously ticked off. That was giving me enough of an advantage to stay alive, but I was getting tired. Then I heard a harsh voice yell" Torrun( pronounced Tor-Rune execpt roll the r)! We need to go! Now" Torrun, looked angry, but started running toward the gate. Victory! I think.
end of chapterChapter 7
2 weeks later
Great, my first encounter with a Mercenary, and I almost got killed. My mentor Drahing looked pale at the fact there Mercenaries at the fort. As soon as we had got back to the training grounds, I went to the library (something I only do when neccesary). I looked up everything on Mercenaries. The average age they started training was six, and was most often, they were orphans. They hardened themselves to pain and suffering. They had fighting incorperated into everything, even meals, they fought for the first place in the meal line. For us, it was a race. For them, it was an all out brawl for a few minutes. And for us, to get new weapons, armor, or supplies, we went to the armory, or supply cave. For them, it was wait for the supply wagon, then wait for the "dealer" as he was called, to throw the items one by one into the mass, and then they fight for them in an all out fistfight. A Mercenary sleeps a total of eight hours, eats altogether roughly one hour, and train 19 hours a day. They train in every weapon they can use, and wear heavy all steel plate armor while training. Okay, now I may just believe that there training is harder then ours.

Just thought I would let you guys know, this and all of my other stories are no longer going to be updated. I will no longer be doing any solo stories. If you want to do a group book, just msg me;)
 
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