I don't know what this story should be called... (Warning: Some violence and a vampire story)

Is this a good story? [The story in which is named I don't know what this story should be called]

  • Yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I'll have to see when it's done

    Votes: 1 33.3%
  • ... maybe...

    Votes: 1 33.3%
  • Finish it! Finish it! Finish it! Finish it! Finish it! Finish it! Finish it! Finish it! Finish it!

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • It's the worst story I've ever heard!

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • You're on the path of being a full fledged author.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Maybe a bit less action

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Make it a bit slower

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • It just keeps on getting better and better!

    Votes: 1 33.3%

  • Total voters
    3

brianizweird

Wanted Pirate
Chapter One
The first monster, and a savior

Silver could do nothing but run as fast as she could from the fanged monster, who was chasing her hungrily. Silver's pursuer had short, spiky hair, glittering gold eyes with diamond pupils, thin, pursed lips with those awful, dreaded fangs poking out. A wrinkled, dirty black t-shirt and capris shrouded the figure. He had boots halfway to his knees, also black, covering his feet. Silver tripped over something, turned in the middle of falling, and fell back-first against something hard, like stone. All of a sudden, he turned his head to look at a tall albino trying to scramble away for his life through the shadows. The albino held up a hand, and there was a bright, continuously pulsing green light. Silver was temporarily blinded.
"Monsters," he muttered as the light faded. When Silver recovered her vision, she saw that he was now standing, and was already dusting himself off with his free hand, while holding up the other. The monster was on the ground, holding his head in his hands, clutching at his hair. Silver thought it might be a trick from the moon, but she couldn't take her eyes away from his hands, ever so pale, as if he had no blood running through his veins.
"Put that thing down," he growled at the albino, who simply lowered his hand with a piercing glare. Silver shuttered at the sight of all this, and it still hurt to talk from her screaming for help. When the albino's hand lowered enough for Silver to get a better look at it and what was making the light. There was a faintly glowing green design, as if someone had put glow in the dark paint of his hand. Two triangles, neatly apart, with a rather large dot above each triangle. He rubbed his hands together as the monster ran away, crashing into trees and walls. A faint green light with what looked like brighter ribbons and sparkles mixed in with it emitted from the rubbing. When he let his arms rest by his sides, Silver saw fading green light from his opposite hand that the sign was on. If the monster is afraid of this powerful being, then maybe I should be, too, Silver thought. But the light didn't hurt me, just blinded me like any other bright light... The albino held out his hand to help her up.
"Thou alright?" Silver hesitated, then took his hand with a nod. His ruby-red eyes made her uneasy. He was, although handsome and friendly, very, very dangerous. He hefted her up, and with a grunt, dropped to one knee in an old-fashioned bow. "Thy name is Drailden, although thou may call me Drail, maiden." Silver gasped, and took a tiny step away. Wind blew her black uneven hair a few inches past her shoulders into her eyes, making her vision blurry.
"I-I'm S-Silver," She stuttered, still surprised by his elegance.
Drail looked up at the young, beautiful, pale, skinny girl with black hair and green eyes, who called herself Silver. Silver wore plenty of silver jewelry, such as small skull earrings, a spiked necklace, and bangles. She also wore all black, with a black shirt with a moon, on it, and a black jacket, along with black slim pants and tall black boots. They were in a cemetery, with the full moon out, home to many monsters. With a nod, he stood, and clothed his hands in gloves, hastily with the hand that hand emitted green light after he had rubbed his hands together. Nobody noticed the two angels; one albino with golden eyes looking down from a cloud, and the other disguised as a weeping angel statue on a gravestone, but the stone angel couldn't hide his unnatural Greek toga.

Chapter 3
"I'm Fearful of my Brother"
Plit pulled his head away from the edge of the cloud. He was amazed at what he had just saw. A human, albino, had warded off a supernatural monster, and by doing that, apparently won the heart of a maiden, for when Plit looked again, they were walking away from the scene, chatting. A bit of movement caught his eye. I was one of the weeping angels, and now it wasn't looking down like it were grieving, but up, with it's hands at it's sides. Plit saw it's stone eyes dart from one cloud to another. Plit ducked away again, laying flat on the cloud, breathing heavily. A small, armored, purple and black figure came flying at him on demon wings. Plit groaned.
"Demeniler."
"What'cha layin' on a cloud, all scared out of your wings for?" Demeniler asked in his grunting, rough voice. Plit simply pointed down.
"The cloud?"Plit shook his head, gasped, and pointed down, more urgently this time.
"The ground?" Demeniler placed his hand on his chin, still hovering in midair. Pit nodded weakly.
"Are you going fintle on me?" Fintle was when a flying creature became scared of heights. The angel shook his head.
"Br..." Plit's voice trailed off rather abruptly and his eyes went wide with fear as a crash from below.
"Gotcha," Demeniler gasped, and sped downward, with his spiked sword out of it's scabbard, ready to attack.
***​
Pitch's stone eyes still searched after he heard the crash. He didn't know what it was, nor even cared. He stepped off of his pedestal, and with a faint flash of red, he became stone angel to fallen angel. He caught a glimpse of something speeding toward him. Pitch simply spread his wings and took to the sky, a red and black streak upward. He suddenly stopped, hovering in midair, looking upward at the clouds.
"He must be here," He murmured, and smirked.
***​
Luke was running from Malice and Myth, brothers, both with blue hair, capes, boots, capris, button-up shirts, and eyes, but Myth's blue features were sky blue while Malice's were more of a night sky, and Myth was a bit smaller, since he was younger. Other that that, they were twins. Luke ran faster, giggling, with the rising sun bearing down on his dark features. His skin was charcoal grey, his hair was black, as was the rims of his irises, in which were mainly red, and his clothing, in which was a ripped t-shirt and jeans, along with some sneakers, was dark charcoal grey, but it had darkened in some places to black, and lightened in some places to almost his skin color, due to aging.He spotted a dark blotch against against the rising sun, as he ran down the street. A shout came from behind him.
"Hey, Dark-Heart! We just would like to play! Ha!"
"I doubt that!" Luke shouted back. He got his bow and an arrow ready, turned, and shot. All of Luke's arrows had bombs that exploded upon impact as the point, plus they never seemed to run out. The arrow exploded at Malice's feet, and he went flying, and so did Myth, although he got less of the impact. Brothers landed on the ground in a cloud of dust and rubble. Malice yelled a swear, and Myth punched his brother lightly for his dirty language.
"You didn't get hit very hard!" Malice screamed back. Luke fell onto his back, laughing hysterically, with his legs kicking up into the air as he struggled to catch his breath. Then he found a sword pointed straight at his throat. Luke's laughing ceased quickly, and he held up his hands in innocence, although the sight of Malice and Myth behind the sword, now wrestling angrily, was pretty funny.
"Don't do this, brother, or I will have no mercy for you," a voice behind Luke sighed. He knew immediately who it was.
"Daniel, come on, can't I just have a bit of fun?" Luke asked, on the brink of giggling.
"Then apparently, you don't know the definition of 'fun'," Daniel, who wore all green, and his clothes, besides color, were not ripped, but otherwise looked exactly the same to Luke's, said, emotionless as always.
"Something that causes great pleasure or excitement for or to something or someone."
Oh, right, ha ha."
***​
Demeniler was still ready to attack Pitch when the fallen angel suddenly stopped. Am I too late? He thought. Then Pitch sped upward into the clouds, with the guardian of Heaven following in pursuit, spiked gold sword ready to save Heaven's architect and part-time guardian from harm. Pitch disappeared between the light pink clouds, and then Plit jumped down from the cloud, hair streaming up behind him, and a few feathers from his wings fell around him when he landed, but of his fear of twin, he didn't land right, and there was a loud, sickening crack that would haunt Demeniler's dreams forever as he landed on his right wrist and wing. Demeniler folded his wings behind his back, and free-fell onto the ground, but he positioned himself better, and was simply able to catch himself before he injured himself, too. Demeniler hobbled over over to Plit and the angel noticed the look of worry in his eyes, and although Demeniler's armor covered the rest of his face, his eyes showed plenty of emotion.
"Are you ok?" Demeniler asked. Plit replied with a groan. Demeniler jumped when there was a thud behind them.
"New definition of 'fallen angel', eh?" a well known annoying voice from behind both fliers from Heaven, and Demeniler spun around. Pitch was simply leaning against a pedestal, smirking.

Chapter 5
Feuding Brothers
Daniel thrust his sword closer to Luke's neck, leaving a small nick. An albino boy with ragged clothing and a girl with black hair, wide, frightened eyes, dark clothing and silver accessories walked down the street, Daniel instantly sheathed his sword, although Luke still stayed put on the ground, breathing heavily. The brothers clad in blue, Malice and Myth, also didn't cease fighting. The albino caught sight of both pairs of brothers and took of his glove. Daniel's eyes widened, since he didn't know what was going to happen, and was worried. There was a loud crash and yell a few houses away, in the cemetery, but the group of people ignored it. The albino raised his newly-exposed hand, and there was a bright, pulsing green light, causing both pairs of siblings to be temporarily blinded, and there was a gasp from either Malice or Myth as one brother lost his balance and fell, The albino looked toward the sound and closed his fingers over his palm, causing the light to stop abruptly. By then, everyone had recovered their vision, and saw Myth of top of Malice, in a loosened headlock, Both were breathing heavily and dazed as the untangled themselves from each other. Luke lifted his head hesitantly, and looked around. When his eyes drifted to the blue brothers, he could barely contain a hysterical cackle. The twin held his breath until his face got a very light grey color, due to his dark charcoal skin, so he wouldn't start laughing. His eyes watered, and sweat visibly ran down his face, until Daniel bent down and whispered in his ear, "Breathe." Luke took in a deep gulp of air and passed out. There was a groan in the direction of the blue brothers. When the boy clad in green and the albino looked over, Myth and Malice were dusting themselves off. When they looked up, they got out their weapons quickly. Malice had a short sword, and Myth had an old-fashioned silver gun.
"Silver? Who are these people...?" the albino asked carefully, but only silence had a reply. When he looked over at where the girl, Silver, used to be standing, she wasn't there. "Silver?" still silence, and the albino visibly started to get very worried in an instant. Sweat ran down his face, and he started shouting her name. Daniel looked at the albino as if he was crazy. He'd let his guard down that much in front of possible enemies? Even the blue brothers looked confused. They were whispering to each other and pointing. The albino held up his hand again, and the flash came again. There was a shriek a few houses off, then a frightened girl's voice.
"Get away from me! You're a monster!" it came from the cemetery.
Pitch heard the shriek and saw the pulsing green light, as did Demeniler, and possibly Plit, who's reply to any question asked of him was still a groan. The angel's eyes were closed, and his good hand limply on his injured one.



To be continued... (I will get back to it later) Please don't be afraid to share your opinion about this story! I need to know what to do or not to do, and please offer suggestions for the title, what should happen later in the book, and what new characters should be introduced!
 
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@Captain Redhorn, I could be wrong here but (I think) this is a story that Kiara had written herself, thereby permitting the thread to be categorized within the "Tales & Myths" section.

Is this actually a story you had written on your own, @Kiara Catelden?
:confused:
Yes, I actually wrote it, and I thought I would share it, so I could know if I would be a good author, plus I just thought that many people would like it. I'd also like to say, that if anyone ever says I can't make my dream come true, I would think of this song:
 
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Aye. Clearly we need to change this category's description/focus then or we need to incorporate a new category on it's own for (other) "creative writing" efforts.
Updated the report to reflect this need. :)
Now not to intrude or anything but I do feel like we need a section for creative writing, as POTCO is now closed (R.I.P. Captain Hi I will forever miss you :cry:) so the tales and myths section is kinda out of date...

Now because I would rather not just come here for something unrelated to the thread itself...
Tips for Titles
- Try to fit together names of important ideas, so for example if it's a vampire/werewolf try using something in relation to the night sky and/or moon
-Try to fit the theme of the story through the title, otherwise it just doesn't sound write. So you cant just write a sci-fi book and name it Pancakes unless the story has to do with Pancakes in space
-Create a few different titles and see what sounds the best (Believe it or not people do judge books by their cover :reading:)
 
Now not to intrude or anything but I do feel like we need a section for creative writing, as POTCO is now closed (R.I.P. Captain Hi I will forever miss you :cry:) so the tales and myths section is kinda out of date...

Now because I would rather not just come here for something unrelated to the thread itself...
Tips for Titles
- Try to fit together names of important ideas, so for example if it's a vampire/werewolf try using something in relation to the night sky and/or moon
-Try to fit the theme of the story through the title, otherwise it just doesn't sound write. So you cant just write a sci-fi book and name it Pancakes unless the story has to do with Pancakes in space
-Create a few different titles and see what sounds the best (Believe it or not people do judge books by their cover :reading:)

Yeah, I agree, and that's one of the many reasons I have trouble creating names for characters, places, or even titles for the books, and well, I'm always needing help on those things, especially if I have writer's block, but the way it comes out, I'll make changes to it and the flow of the story wouldn't change. Like, If I called a large expanse of water 'The Lava Butter sea' wouldn't make any sense, since it's water, plus, it wouldn't be a place for butter to go, since well, it's water! It's not a lava lake that looks like a stick of butter!
 
That lava butter lake sounds great with the starship pancake :cheers: maybe add the sea of syrup to that as well...

Creating character names is the worst, had to do a story for my animation class for a senior exit and ended up taking a que from a friend and just looked up a bunch of words in other languages and put them together for names :p
 
Yes, I actually wrote it, and I thought I would share it, so I could know if I would be a good author, plus I just thought that many people would like it. I'd also like to say, that if anyone ever says I can't make my dream come true, I would think of this song:
Aye. :D:good post::iagree:
Now not to intrude or anything but I do feel like we need a section for creative writing, as POTCO is now closed (R.I.P. Captain Hi I will forever miss you :cry:) so the tales and myths section is kinda out of date...
Thank you for your input. Presently, this issue is being discussed between forums moderators/administrators.
 
That lava butter lake sounds great with the starship pancake :cheers: maybe add the sea of syrup to that as well...

Creating character names is the worst, had to do a story for my animation class for a senior exit and ended up taking a que from a friend and just looked up a bunch of words in other languages and put them together for names :p

Lol! Can you think of a good name for the story (I'm really stuck, and I just really need help with that)?
 
Well, as much as I hate posting one right after the other (kinda defeats the point of a thread :rumgone:)... all I got are Watchers in The Night, Silver Moon, Dusk Before Dawn, Silver Night, Secrets of the Myth.
... Yep that's all I got
 
Great start to your story, Kiara, keep em coming! Can't really add a name suggestion yet, not sure where you will take the story. All I can suggest be added is .... A Dragon.... A Dragon .... A Dragon. Be it friendly, or a foe, can't lose throwing in a dragon. Perhaps a goofy dwarf, doing goofy dwarf things. Dwarfs make me smile.

To add my 2 cents to the Tales and Myths debate ....... why not just not move it? The Book section looks to be for established books, the Tales are just that, "Our Tales", be they Potco related or not. Just the opinion of someone who uses it now and then. I vote to move this back.
 
Great start to your story, Kiara, keep em coming! Can't really add a name suggestion yet, not sure where you will take the story. All I can suggest be added is .... A Dragon.... A Dragon .... A Dragon. Be it friendly, or a foe, can't lose throwing in a dragon. Perhaps a goofy dwarf, doing goofy dwarf things. Dwarfs make me smile.

To add my 2 cents to the Tales and Myths debate ....... why not just not move it? The Book section looks to be for established books, the Tales are just that, "Our Tales", be they Potco related or not. Just the opinion of someone who uses it now and then. I vote to move this back.
OK! But they'll have to be temporary, since this is supposed to be a scary adventure/ a bit of humor/ keep the reader going book.

Well, as much as I hate posting one right after the other (kinda defeats the point of a thread :rumgone:)... all I got are Watchers in The Night, Silver Moon, Dusk Before Dawn, Silver Night, Secrets of the Myth.
... Yep that's all I got
Those are perfect! But I don't know which one fits best... Hmm I also think hat one of them would be really good for the series title(Yes, there is going to be multiple books :) )! Well, here's what's happening in the draft (The one I'm copying from in which is further than the typed version)

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS YOURSELF Plit falls from a cloud and breaks his wrist, A hunted stabs Demeniler's wing, The monster gets pushed off the edge of a roof, and Silver becomes a vampire. If you read this, then you probably made the next five chapters a bit boring, for you know what going to happen.
 
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I didn't peek, I like to wait til they are posted as final draft. I don't like peeking under Christmas tree either, better to wait.

And I just brought up a couple things that I thought may go well, but I don't know where the story is going, so if they don't fit it may mess it up. You should take it in the direction your head is telling you to, if suggestions work, go with it. I like the "Dark Comedy", (Beetlejuice, The Evil Dead series, and anything Monty Python) so be really careful with my suggestions. lol :facepalm:
 
I'm ALIVE! Yeah, sorry I was gone all that time; I had school work.

For an update, we have created the "Once Upon a Time..." section for all fan stories/books/poems etc. to be posted. I also deleted a few posts here so it doesn't distract from your story.

Keep on writing! :moon:

Thanks! But nothing really can distract me from writing; for example to all those readers out there: have you ever sort of felt like you just got sucked into a book, and you just can't keep track of time, and when you snap out of it, it's like the end of class, or a timer's ringing or someone's calling you or an hour has passed? well, that happens to me and the story just flows. I don't even know what's going to happen next, and I am just exited to see for myself. I hope everyone will enjoy this story and will one day find it in the library or bookstores.
 
Liking the confidence :p I would hope to see your works on the shelves one day as well, as for temporal awareness however I must admit mine is a bit screwy :oops: I can range from blitzing fast to bullet time slow depending on where I am, what I am doing, and how active my mind is at the time. Who knows maybe we will all have a book- err I mean story club here someday with all these different books/stories coming:cool:
 
Liking the confidence :p I would hope to see your works on the shelves one day as well, as for temporal awareness however I must admit mine is a bit screwy :oops: I can range from blitzing fast to bullet time slow depending on where I am, what I am doing, and how active my mind is at the time. Who knows maybe we will all have a book- err I mean story club here someday with all these different books/stories coming:cool:

Ok, um, well my school's book club is for all types of genres, and(This might surprise you) I don't like mystery. Every book needs a touch of mystery, but I don't like full going- on mystery. So that's why I didn't join.
 
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I have edited and included more chapters, sorry it took so long! XD I should work on this more, it's just, I have so much pressure in school, and I have so many more stories, and I have way too many things to think about...
 
I have some bad news... I have lost the notebook that has the rest of what I've got for the story in it! So, now I can't copy the rest, but, Now I'd like some help from you guys, and give me some ideas... I am really confused where the notebook went. So please help me with what should happen next...
 
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