Richard Cannonwalker
Notorious Pirate
It was a stormy night at Port Royal. I was at the noose, taking in my final sights as I was about to be punished for my life as a pirate. The next five to be hung stepped up onto the platform. The executioners of the Royal Navy put the ropes upon their necks. A man in Royal Navy uniform opened a scroll and started reading from it. “As proclaimed by Lord Cutler Beckett, to punish many pirates of their crimes, rights given to citizens of Port Royal have been temporarily suspended.” The man said. The executioner pulled the lever, and the floors dropped. Five pirates; gone. The man with the scroll continued talking. “Freedom of speech; suspended. Right of Habeus Corpus; suspended.” The man kept speaking of rights that were suspended. Another five pirates were hung. “The punishment of commiting the crime of piracy, or being an accessory to somebody commiting the crime of piracy, is being hanged by the neck until death.” The scroll man said. There were seven people in front of me. In front of me was a husky man with black pants, hunting boots, and a hood over his head. He looked very familiar. I tapped on his shoulder, and he turned around. “Ahoy sir, do I know you?” I asked. “Perhaps. You look familiar.” He said in a very deep voice. He took his hood off, and I was stunned. He looked just like me, but his hair was grey. “You look just like me!” I exclaimed. “And you look like I did thirty years ago!” The man said. The next five pirates in front of us were hung, so we’re up next. “It looks like our final moments are here.” I said to him. “Perhaps not.” The man said. “I’ll distract the guards, and you flee. Use these papers to commandeer a ship from the Port Royal docks.” The man said. He handed me papers. “We will meet up at the Faithful Bride to continue this conversation.” The man said. The man pulled out a sword, and started attacking Royal Navy soldiers. The rest of the pirates pulled out swords and started swinging. “We should have suspended their weapons.” A Royal Navy man said. I snuck out while everybody was fighting. I went down to the docks to commandeer a ship. I walked to a ship, but two Royal Navy guards stopped me. “Halt! Who goes there?” One of them said. “I have come to commandeer this beautiful ship.” I said. I showed them the papers. “Oh, well, these papers seem valid. Keyword here is seem. They aren’t. Come back never.” They said. I walked away and started to think what to do. “Hey, it’s a pirate!” One of the guards said. “Oh no, I’ve been discovered!” I said to myself. The guards ran at me. I knew I was doomed. They ran past me, and started beating down a pirate. I was relieved. Since nobody was guarding the ship I wanted to commandeer, I just walked up to it and took the wheel. After the pirate was handcuffed, the guards turned around and saw their ship sailing away. They stopped me, and jumped onto the ship. “Hey! We said you can’t have this ship!” One of the guards said. One of them picked up a barrel aboard the ship and threw it at me. I did a flip, grabbed the barrel in mid-flip, and threw it back at them when I landed on my feet. One of the guards fell overboard. The remaining guard was standing next to the mast and was shooting at me. I ran from the wheel to the opposite side of the mast. I grabbed the mast, swung around it, and kicked the guard. He fell overboard. “Remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Richard Cannonwalker.” I said. I drove the ship away. Eventually, I reached Tortuga. I went to the Faithful Bride, and saw the man at the noose sitting at a table. I sat down at the opposite end of the two-seated table from him. “Ahoy.” I said to him. He put down his mug and looked up at me. “Ahoy Richard.” He said. I was confused. “How do you know my name.” I asked. He offered a soft chuckle. “Because, I am your father.” He said. I offered him a look of confusion, and then realized he was telling the truth. It explains why he looks so much like me. “I believe you…” I said. “Listen kid, you remember your childhood?” My father asked. “Aye. We lived in an island chain off the coast of Asia, in unmapped waters.” I responded. “Aye, the tri-island area was a peaceful place, but a land developer from a mystical place called ‘Australia’ has been robbing the area of piracy. We need to save it.” My father said. “We may use the ship you commandeered from Port Royal to save it.” My father said. “Should we round up a crew first?” I asked. “Aye. Unfortunately, I’m not trusted very much. You’ll have to round up the crew mate.” My father said. “Well, I’m not much trusted either, but I can try.” I said. We left the Faithful Bride to hunt for a crew. We went to the docks, and saw a man pulling in a net filled with shrimp. “He looks familiar.” I whispered to my father. We walked up to him, and he turned around. “Ahoy.” He said. He looked very familiar. “You look familiar. Have we met?” I asked him. “Uh, no. Maybe I have a familiar looking face.” The shrimper said. I thought harder. “Weren’t you that musician that got angry and broke a guitar over Rico the Bartender’s head in Padres Del Fuego?” I asked. “No. I’ve never seen an instrument in my life. Leave me to my work, Cannonwalker.” The shrimper said, putting the shrimp he caught in baskets. “Wait, how did you know my name?” I asked the shrimper. The shrimper had a cautioned look on his face, as he drew a sword. “Never question me!” As he put his sword against my throat. “Oh no!” My father said. We both drew our swords, The shrimper drew a second sword, and started swinging at us. After a long battle, we all knew nobody would get hit. We all withdrew our swords. “Now I recognize you! You’re Randal the Swordmaster, the best swordfighter in all of Padres Del Fuego!” I exclaimed. “I WAS the best swordfighter in all of Padres Del Fuego. However, a land developer from Australia started buying out places all over the world. I decided, after being beaten in the swordfight, to sell him my land, and converted to being a clean-cut citizen of the Caribbean.” He said. “But we need you to join our crew!” I told him. “But why should I join? You ditched me, along with the rest of your crew at Isla Cangrejos!” Randal said. “Speaking of which, how did you escape Cangrejos?” I asked. “Same way you did, mate.” Randal said. “Oh, you caught a ride on Hookjaw’s boat?” I asked. “Hookjaw had a boat? That jerk never told us!” Randal said. “Randal, join the crew. We’re going to stop the land developer.” My father said. “We are? Good!” I said. “Well, that’s all nice, but how do I know you won’t just maroon me again?” Randal asked. “What if I offered you a comfy job?” I suggested. “Go on…” Randal said, looking intrigued. “One that pays double a regular job, requires almost no work, and that’s almost impossible to get fired from.” I said. “Hmm, sounds tempting. But I’ll need to see some paperwork first.” Randal said. Randal continued doing his shrimp work. Me and my father walked away. “We need to find some paperwork.” I said. We walked up to a man. We noticed he had a cushy job contract folded up in his pocket. He was holding a duck, observing it. “I know a trick.” I said. I found a bag of grains, and threw a handful on the ground beside the man. The duck jumped out of his grasp to get the grain, and as the man was distracted trying to capture the duck again, we took the contract and ran back to Randal. I handed him the contract. “Wow, you really got the contract. I suppose I can join your crew.” Randal said. “Alright. Do you know where Kane and Ike are?” I asked Randal. “Well, Kane and Lockjaw are locked inside their house, hoping the Australian land developer doesn’t try to invade them, and Ike is probably running that pub at Ganar again.” Randal said. “I thought Doggeral Dan was running that pub.” I said. “Him and Doggeral Dan went into business together. Ever since Ike’s experience being marooned on Isla Cangrejos, he vowed to never be a pirate again. So he opened a small bar on Ganar with Doggeral Dan, where they sell Doggeral’s alcoholic beverages, and Ike’s jerky pretzels and other baked items.” Randal said. “Sounds interesting, but we need him for our crew.” I said. “We should be shoving off.” Randal said. All three of us got on my ship. “I’ll navigate.” My father said. He grabbed the wheel. We started sailing. Randal was messing with functions on the ship. I walked up to Randal. “Hey Randal.” I said. “What do you want?” Randal asked me. “Do you want a hardtack biscuit?” I asked him. “What kind of question is that? I’m very busy.” Randal said. I left him to his work. A red ship sailed up to us. “Oh no, it’s the navy. They’re probably going to arrest us for stealing this ship!” I panicked.”Didn’t you use the commandeering papers I gave you?” My father asked me. “Those didn’t work, so I had to steal the ship.” I responded. Randal shot a cannonball at the ship’s masts, and knocked one of them down. We knocked down the masts, and boarded the ship. A crew of ten pointed muskets at us. “Halt!” One of them said. “Unfair! I demand swords only.” Randal said. “Darn you, and your technicalities!” One of them said. They all put their muskets on the ground and drew their swords. I had eventually realized I had no sword. “Uh, draw your sword captain.” Randal said. “Uh, I don’t really have one.” I said. Randal pulled out one for me to use. Then, Randal pulled out a second one for me, and a second one for him. “Wow, you have lots of swords.” I said. “You never know when you’ll need them.” He said. We started swinging our swords. Randal started to show why he was the proclaimed “Swordmaster of Padres Del Fuego.” One by one, the Royal Navy guards fell like dominoes. One remained. We all backed him against the edge of the Royal Navy vessel. “Have mercy, Cannonwaller.” He said. We all seemed confused. We looked closer at him. “Lockjaw?” I questioned. “I suppose you can call me that. However, I decided to join the Royal Navy, in hopes of becoming worthy of employment with the Black Guard someday.” He said. “Also, I go by my real name now.” He stated. “Well, what’s your real name?” We questioned. “Ignatius Cornelius Wolfgang Garrett.” He responded. “Well, we’re going to have to kill you, Ignatius.” Randal responded. “What if I joined your crew. Would you spare my life?” He asked. We nodded our heads. “Thank god. I thought I was going into Davy’s locker today.” Lockjaw said. We all boarded the commandeered Navy vessel, looted what was aboard the other Navy ship, and moved along. “So Lockjaw, what happened to your lockjaw?” Randal was curious. “It healed. Lockjaw doesn’t last that long you know.” He responded. I tossed Lockjaw a pirate outfit. “Go below deck and change. You look too neat.” I said. He went below deck, and changed into his pirate outfit. He sported a black bandana with white skull and crossbones all over it, a torn black shirt, torn black pants, and black boots. “Ah, just like the last time I was in your crew. Reminds me of the old days, before Australian land developers threatened piracy.” Lockjaw said. “Next stop is Ganar Island!” I said. “To get Ike and Kane?” Randal asked. “Yeah, but I also wanted to try some Jerky Pretzels.” I said. Everybody went silent. “What? Nobody else is curious about the Jerky Pretzels?” I asked. Randal and Lockjaw shyly raised their hands. Eventually, we reached Ganar Island. When we came, we saw somebody we all recognized. We saw a very tall man, with one red eye, and one emerald green eye. He was wearing a very dressy outfit. “Kane?” Randal asked. “I am Kane. Kane is a reasonable citizen.” He said. “Kane, you’re very wrong for no longer being a pirate.” I told him. “Kane was a pirate, but Kane was traumatized after being marooned on an island with foolish pirates.” Kane said. “Hey!” Lockjaw said. “Not cool!” Randal said to Kane. “Why is Kane no longer a pirate?” I asked. “Kane took Sebastian Mandrel’s Pirate Re-education Class™.” Kane said. “But why? Doesn’t Kane miss being a pirate?” I asked Kane. “Not especially. Kane is a nice citizen.” Kane said. “There’s no budging. Kane probably won’t give in to reason.” My father said. An old man, with gray hair on the sides on his head, came up to us. “Kane, who are these smelly imbeciles?” The man asked. “They are pirates.” Kane responded. The old man drew his sword. “No pirates enter the land of Sebastian Mandrel!” He said. Randal drew two swords, and started dueling Sebastian. Sebastian knocked Randal’s swords out of his hands. “What the…” Randal exclaimed. “That’s impossible!” Lockjaw said. Mr. Mandrel gave a soft chuckle. “Nobody defeats Sebastian Mandrel!” He exclaimed. Then, he walked off. “I just don’t understand. How could he have defeated me so easily?” Randal asked. Randal picked up his swords. “Well, we should get going to find Ike.” I said. We went into town. We kept walking, and found a bar. “Maybe this is Ike’s bar.” Lockjaw said. We went in, and saw a handful of men drinking grog, playing darts, and enjoying some of Ike’s jerky pretzels. We looked over to the counter and saw the bartender had a nervous look on his face. “That’s Ike, captain.” Lockjaw said. “I know that Lockjaw.” I responded. We walked up to him. “Err, can I help you gents?” The bartender asked. “Ike, stop fooling around. We need you for our crew.” I told him. The man jumped over the counter and bolted for the door. “I’m not joining your crew again!” He said. We chased him outside. He ran into town, and seemed not to be letting out on his running. Lockjaw pulled out a set of his throwing knives, and started throwing them at Ike. “Are you crazy?!” I asked Lockjaw. One of the knives caught Ike’s shirt and pinned it to a wall, so Ike was stuck. We ran up to him, and just as he pried the throwing knife free, we caught him. “Ike, what’s gotten into you?” I asked. “The crabs!! The crabs!!” Ike yelped. “When you stranded us on Isla Cangrejos, Ike started to go insane.” Randal said. “I have a trick for this kind of situation.” My father said. My father grabbed the back of Ike’s neck and squeezed. Ike became very calm. “Now Ike, tell us what happened on Isla Cangrejos.” I said. “Well, we had to sit on top of a roof at night, because every night on Cangrejos, Jolly Roger would visit to haunt the crabs. If Jolly saw us, that would be the end of us.” Ike said. “Ike, if we defeat Jolly Roger once and for all, will you join our crew?” I asked. “I’d be delighted to help you destroy Jolly Roger.” Ike responded. “Alright, our goals are clear guys. First, we destroy Jolly Roger. Second, we stop that Mandrel guy from buying out the entire Caribbean and replacing it with his line of family-friendly pirate-themed shops and restaurants.” Randal said. “Aye!” Everybody said. Then, a man with an orange beard and a bartender smock walked up. “Ike, you’re supposed to be watching the pub!” He said. “Listen Dan, I have to stop Jolly Roger. I might not be back for a while.” Ike said. “Alright then. Good luck.” Dan said. “I left the recipe for my Jerky Pretzels in the back room.” Ike said. Suddenly, the sky filled with black clouds, and thunder started rumbling. “Oh no, Jolly is going to invade the town soon.” Ike said. Doggerel Dan went back to the pub, and started building barricades around it. The townspeople started building barricades across the town too. “We have about thirty minutes before the Harkaway docks on this island, and Jolly’s fierce undead army arrives.” Ike said. “Isn’t this where Sandra Tew is when she isn’t in the main islands of the Caribbean?” I asked. “Aye, Marceline has a hideout on this island. Nobody is sure where it is though.” Ike said. A man walked up to us. “The Marceline hideout is rumored to be in the Foggs O’Time marsh.” The man said. The man continued building barricades with many other townspeople. “What’s the Foggs O’Time marsh?” Randal asked Ike. “The Foggs O’Time marsh is a place where navigating through it takes you to different points in time, rather than different locations.” Ike said. “Guys, I’m going into the Foggs O’Time marsh alone. You guys build barricades with the townspeople, and hold back the undead.” I said. I walked through the town for a very long time. I eventually reached a very foggy marsh, with nothing but a long stick, and a small clock on a raft. I got on the raft, and started rowing with the stick. As I entered another part of the marsh, the clock changed. I eventually reached a gate. On the other side was somebody dressed like me that looked exactly like me. “Ahoy me!” He said. “Why do you look like me?” I asked him. “I am you, mate.” He said. “If you’re really me, then what number am I thinking of right now?” I asked him. “Nine thousand seventy three.” He said. “Wow, you must really be me; because that is the number I’m thinking of.” I responded. “Now, I have some things to give you.” Other me said. He handed me a gun. “A gun! Watch out Jolly Roger!” I said, observing the gun. Then, he handed me a rubber chicken. “A rubber chicken? How… nice?” I said. Then, he handed me a skeleton key. “Alright, a skeleton key! Now I can open this gate.” I said. I opened the gate with the key, and let other me through. “Goodbye other me. Happy plundering.” I said. He rowed off into the fog, and I went through to the other side of the gate...